I'm Disgusted. Shark Cordless Stik-Vac

I have been had, tricked, used, abused, taken advantage of, cheated, and defrauded. I am upset with Sears (not the first time), and disgusted with Shark.  A couple months ago I purchased the Shark Cordless Stik Vak for $80 from a little boy at Sears who assured me he knew all about the housework woes of the common housewife. I was not even slightly convinced that he knew a single thing about the products he was selling, but I have several Shark products that I have been happy with so I bought another. For two months I have been very happy with my vacuum. It picks up everything from hard boiled eggs to cat hair. It's lightweight and easy to handle. But all of the sudden the battery died. After two months, it would no longer charge. I found my owner's manual and found in small print that the battery might need to be replaced every three months. I have been looking everywhere for a new battery and cannot find any place that carries them. I went back to Sears and they no longer carry that vacuum. They can't help me. I went to a vacuum store, and found out that they can order the battery for me, but they told me it's not worth the money and that I should just get another vacuum. Of course, I thought, they just want me to buy another vacuum from THEM. So I check out Shark's website for battery reordering. The battery with shipping will cost me $50. FIFTY DOLLARS! EVERY TWO MONTHS!! You can see from the math, that it clearly isn't worth it. Now I have to buy a new vacuum. And I WILL NOT BE PURCHASING ANOTHER SHARK VACUUM !! I am extremely disappointed with Shark, disgusted. And I would advise anyone to be very careful about any Shark purchases in the future.

Rold Gold Butter Checkers

 

There is only one thing that could shake me from my depressed stupor of fruitlessness--Butter Checkers. These are only my favorite snack in the whole world. And I haven't had them for 4 years. Why have I refrained from my favorite snack for such a period? Because they disappeared. Gone. Without a trace from the grocery shelves. I have been writing desperate letters to Frito-Lay and filling out grocery request cards continuously for 4 years trying to get these back in the store. And yesterday...the heavens opened and there they were. I should have bought the store out, but I saved some for you to try.  If you like pretzels at all, these will make you very happy. They are so buttery, yet so light. So salty, yet so refreshing. Please, go try them, start your own addiction and help me keep them from disappearing ever again. 

Charmin Ultra Strong Toilet Paper

So, I know you probably all have your toilet paper situation figured out. You should. It's kind of a big deal. I've had mine figured out for years: Quilted Northern. I'm kind of picky about toilet paper and I stopped trying other brands once I found one I liked.  But the other day I was looking into having my toilet paper, diapers, detergent and other staples delivered to me through an Amazon subscription--and Quilted Northern wasn't on the subscription list . Free delivery and 30% off store prices is very enticing, so I went to the store and looked at the other options. One option was Charmin Ultra Strong (and by the way, if you are out of the loop, Double rolls are so yesterday. Mega rolls are IN). The thing I hate most about inferior toilet paper is when it falls apart and turns to dust as you use it.  I'd almost rather use one-ply, but not quite.  And "strong" sounds better to me than "ultra plush", because I know "ultra plush" leaves one looking like they are growing feathers out of certain areas.  I decided to give it a whirl (get it??). I felt a little strange loading a toilet paper into my cart that was labeled "ULTRA STRONG". I mean, how aggressive do you get with toilet paper? I didn't want people to think I actually NEEDED ultra strong, but there I was. I brought it home. I waited until an appropriate moment, and I tried it. I love it. It's not sand-papery, it's not too tough, it doesn't leave feathers, it doesn't leave lint, it's absorbent, it's soft, it's lovely. So if you're fed up with the same ole fodder, try this out. It's my new favorite.

Lysol Complete Clean Power Toilet Bowl Cleaner

Lysol Complete Clean toilet bowl cleaner makes me feel like I'm the only girl in the world, like I'm the only one that it's ever loved, like I'm the only one who knows it's heart. And I am pretty sure Rihanna uses this stuff too, because she practically wrote a whole song about it. I used to love Ka-boom. Ka-boom changed my life and made me a better person, but Lysol Complete Clean rocked my world. Lysol Complete Clean works as well as Ka-boom, but costs way less, and doesn't make me inhale toxic powder. Of course, I will always miss Ka-boom for it's excitement, energy and explosiveness.  But Lysol Complete Clean is dependable and true and is the kind of toilet bowl cleaner you can take home to your mother. It's the kind you want to spend the rest of your life with.

In my downstairs bathroom, I have a very old, troubled toilet. It's seen better days. It's terribly slow at flushing, so it gets major hard water stains and just generally looks dingy. It's always been so hard to clean. But then I met Lysol Complete Clean and everything changed. I just squirt it around the bowl, leave it for a little bit, and then come back and do a quick swipe with the toilet brush. Looks like new. Nothing else I have tried has worked this well. The only minus is if you spill some on the seat, and you don't wipe it up right away, it will stain the seat blue. I did this about a month ago and I can still see the blue. But it's shows I cleaned, so I'm proud of it. No relationship is perfect. I'm still in love, the lasting kind.

Kashi Mayan Harvest Bake

Before you ask, yes, I ALWAYS eat my lonely, pre-made, microwave lunches off a real plate with a healthy garnish of fresh parsley. It's what civilized people do. Only cavemen eat their microwave dinners from the plastic container they nuked them in. Okay?
I want to tell you about my favorite thing, Kashi Mayan Harvest Bake. I am pretty sure this is what actual and authentic Mayans ate, because it is delicious. Kashi makes an excellent frozen entree. The Mayan Harvest Bake is a revelation. It's all natural, it's VEGAN (which I also am, for select meals), it's got 18g of whole grains, 8g of fiber, 9g of protein and a million g of flavor. I feel so healthy and eco-friendly when I am eating this. The stigma of eating a microwave dinner, all alone, in front of the TV, in your underwear, totally dissolves for Kashi's treasures. Instead of appearing to be a socially-impaired slob, I look like an enlightened yogi while consuming these. They are great for my image. But most importantly, it is delicious. It is made with plantains, black beans, sweet potato, kale, 7grain pilaf, amaranth, polenta, and spicy ancho sauce, all sprinkled with roasted pumpkin seeds. It's sweet and spicy and satisfying and makes me love Oregon. It makes me want to go hug a tree for dessert. They are so good, I would TOTALLY pay $7.99 to have this in a restaurant (of course, then I would also expect a side salad with house dressing, a refillable bread basket, and cloth napkins, but the fact remains).
I think you should try this, but if it doesn't sound like your thang, honorable mention goes to Lemon Grass Coconut Chicken and Tuscan Veggie Bake. Kashi makes a bunch of these things and I have been impressed with all the ones I have tried.

Popsicle Mighty Minis

Mini Popsicles, Car's Chicken Noodle Soup (Campbell's) and a plastic Christmas Jell-O mold--The perfect trio of heroes to battle a toddler's stomach flu. I didn't know this until my friend Sarah came to our rescue, but I'll never forget it. The soup and the Jell-O mold are self-explanatory, so I'd like to tell you about these awesome little Popsicles. First of all, they are small, surprisingly small, but they don't come with a mini price tag. They cost the same as a regular-size Popsicle, which may bug you a bit, until you finally see a look of recognition on your listless child for the first time in 9 hours as you waive the box in front of their despondent face. And the size is just right for a sick toddler who can only tolerate the tiniest amount of substance before it's all over the floor again. They also have just the right proportion of stick to Popsicle, so that a chubby little fist can hold it without freezing it's fingers and causing another sick toddler melt-down (no pun intended). The other thing I love about them is that they are slow melting, due to the added gelatin. This means a glassy-eyed little one can go into a hypnotic trance while watching Howard's End in your lap at 3:30 a.m., and the vomit all over your Pj's won't be contaminated with a single drop of melting Popsicle. For me, they are the new staple for taking care of my ailing little ones.

BetterOats Multigrain Hot Cereal

This is how I knew I was getting old--I woke up one morning and I wanted to eat oatmeal...voluntarily. It's quite a blow to your ego when you're forced to admit that the speed at which your body runs is more correlated to your fiber intake rather than your caffeine intake. I don't think I care to get into anymore detail about my ever dwindling physical appeal, so I'll get right to the oatmeal. Man, this is depressing. I'm writing about oatmeal. I might as well start trying out adult diapers, denture cream, and letting you know what Care Centers have the best Bingo. Okay, back to oatmeal...smoatmeal...double-boatmeal...here goes oatmeal...
BetterOats has appealing-looking boxes. This is the first reason I tried this product. I also like that they contain individually packed servings. They are microwavable. The pouch doubles as a measuring cup for your water. They come in interesting flavors. And they actually don't taste that bad. They are made of some good stuff, for example, the Chai spiced Oatmeal contains organic oats, flaxseed, quinoa, barley, rye, wheat, and "natural flavor" (whatever that means). That's a whole lot of old people ingredients, so you know it's good for you.  It's also a good source of Omega-3, and I hear I need to start worrying about Omega-3 at my advanced age. But here's the good news: They make a Dark Chocolate flavor. And it's made with REAL chocolate, not carob, not that fake chocolate flavored WAX that those other cereals are touting as food. It's got chocolate chips, cocoa, and cocoa butter (and as I read the label--chocolate liquor!! Who knew breakfast could be this good?), so you know it's going to have some legitimate flavor. That sounds great, right? Well, it's certainly not bad for oatmeal. You should try it. At your age, you can't afford not to.